Pregnant with baby #1- faced with difficult choice to make (REVISED..)?

I am originally a native of Japan, but now live in Illinois with my fiance. we are expecting our first child in July; however i must choose within the next few weeks whether I want to go back home and be with family when I have the baby or stay with my fiance. PLEASE NOTE that i am only considering going back home for the birth and the first few months. i will be coming back to my fiance. and i would never deprive him of the birth of his own child; if i do go back, his job has agreed to give him a week off to come to japan to visit. My fiance has an internship from May~August and will be quite busy when the baby is born, it is for this reason that I am considering going back home. I am truly torn between wanting to stay with him and wanting to be back in a familiar setting with familiar faces. I would like to ask experienced mothers- whose' support did you find more essential after baby #1 was born- family, or husband/fiance/boyfriend? Please support your answer, thanks!

Pregnant with baby #1- faced with difficult choice to make (REVISED..)?
Selfish = ego responses. Easy to talk about any one else's problems. I am in Chicago and wish you well. From what you write, I can see you are strong and know what to do. Bless you, your fiance, and your wee bairn. Babes have always seemed to be a problem for many since time began and yet we always somehow figure it all out. I don't know if this is much help, but I have a good feeling that your family will figure out what to do. Think of that little face and know that Life seeks [and provides for] life. Don't worry about asking for help if you need it because you know you would help your friends/family/neighbors if/when they need it. That's why it is a beautiful world!
Reply:when it all comes down to it you need to do what you think is best for you and your babys health ie: got to japan have the baby then upset his/hers routine by bringing it back or stay where you are have baby not have the support you need as your fiance will be working. its easier to get a baby into a routine that to get out of post-natal depression(which may happen if you dont have enough support)


sorry i cant be of any help im not in your situation, this is just my opinion.


good luck in whichever you choose x
Reply:This is definitely the wrong place to go if you do not want to hear any type of negative criticism. People here and people in real life that do not know you personally are going to give their two cents whether you like it or not.





As far as making the decision to be with your fiance or your family back in Japan is really a decision that and your fiance will have to discuss and make the final decision since it will be affecting the two of you and your baby.





If you really want to seek some additional advice, it would be best discussed with his family in the U.S. and your family back home in Japan.





Good luck and congratulations.
Reply:Your boyfriend will be busy with work. Having a newborn baby is difficult- especially in an unfamiliar place with no support system. Go be with your family. You said your fiance will come visit for a week, right? You have to do what's best for you and the baby- I am stressed out of my mind at the thought of giving birth in a familiar place (which I must do) but will be going home to Illinois and my family for 6 weeks once the baby is born. Just knowing I'll be there makes me feel calmer. After you've become used to the baby and more confident, go back to Illinois and your fiance. There will be plenty of time for them to bond at that point.





There's no pleasing these people on YA so don't even try to- they're mostly judgemental harpies. Do what's best for you.
Reply:Another thing to consider is, which place do you think you will get better medical care? I 've heard that the infant mortality rate is better in Japan, I don't know about the c-sec rate. If you think you will get better care in Japan, then go.
Reply:Deep down there must be an answer you would rather choose. Like do you deep down want to go home but are scared of hurting your hubby? You're having the baby and you should do what you think will make the whole thing easier, and if thats being with family who can help you then I would do it.





Or you could have thebaby here and go to Japan when the baby is about a month old?





At the end of the day, do the easiest option for the good of your baby
Reply:I found my family to be more supportive when I had mine, cause,at the time my husbands job was taking alot of his time.
Reply:Your not at all being selfish. im having my first in september and i live in a difrent state tahn my family. i want to have it where my family is but still want my fiance to be there. good luck
Reply:I found my family to be much more supportive than my partner, Especially because my mum %26amp; my sister %26amp; cousins knew exactly what i was going through and had a lot of caring advice and i felt more secure knowing they know what they are doing. My partner was supportive to an extent.. although he worked a lot and found it really hard to understand things. Do whatever is best for you and the baby.
Reply:Hi, I am not an experienced mother but I will face the same choice when I get pregnant. We are TTC at the moment and have moved to here for my husbands work where I have no family or friends to support me. I think I will go back to my home town to give birth (with my husband), but I will stay on with my family for a couple of weeks while he goes back to work.





We have already discussed this option and he is more than happy with that. Most of my friends who have had children tell me that they could not have survived without their mum and family for support very early on and I want my family to be a part of it all. My husband cares about my well being more than anything so he will be happy with whatever I choose, he was the one who suggested we do it this way.





I don't think it is selfish at all, you need to be happy and comfortable for the well being of yourself and your baby. You will be the main care giver as your fiance will be working so I beleive you should choose what is going to be the best for you.
Reply:first off, i don't think it's selfish at all to do what's best for the baby. having a baby isn't like adopting a puppy so you need to be sure everything is perfect for the baby.


i say go home for a bit since your fiance will be too busy to help. true, it sucks that he's being deprived of his own kid, but i'm sure he would understand considering it's in the baby's best interest.
Reply:with my first child i honestly preferred the company and support of my boyfriend. Think about it this way if your boyfriend is going to be busy from may-august and you are due in july then he will miss out on a lot. The one thing you don't wanna do is sabotage the bond that you guys as parents will form with this baby when it is born. Your fiancee will want to spend as much time with the baby as you do. Why can't your family come to see you and support you in that way.


ultimately the decision is up to you, the other thing you must consider in all of this is as soon as you give birth in japan you will have some red tape to go through in order to get your baby his american citizenship which could be a hassel and this is something you should talk to your fiancee about. How does he feel about the situation as a whole?