I am originally a native of Japan, but now live in Illinois with my fiance. we are expecting our first child in July; however i must choose within the next few weeks whether I want to go back home and be with family when I have the baby or stay with my fiance. Though it breaks my heart to think of being away from my babys father for a few months, i trust him and he would support my choice to go home. I am truly torn between wanting to stay with him and wanting to be back in a familiar setting with familiar faces. This is my first child and to be honest, I do not have much experience with babies at all! I would like to ask experienced mothers- whose' support did you find more essential after baby #1 was born- family, or husband/fiance/boyfriend? Please support your answer, thanks!
Pregnant with first child, faced with difficult decision to make?
I honestly would rather be with my family. Their assistance was invaluable when I had my kids. Not to say your fiance wouldn't be helpful, but it sounds like you're experiencing homesickness as well. I'm sort of in the same situation as you- far from home (ironically, Illinois). A week after I give birth I'm going home to be with my family in familiar surroundings for 6 weeks because I feel that for me, it's too stressful to be in an unfamiliar place that I don't like away from my family. I completely understand the way you feel.
Reply:I found my husband to be the most supportive. I actually found my extensive family to be annoying. Whatever you decide to do its really your choice but I have to warn you that you should not and in some cases cannot travel late in pregnancy. Also its torture traveling with an infant if you plan on returning to the US after baby is born.
I didn't have any experience with babies but did just fine. We have so many resources here in the US with parenting classes and support. I don't know whats common or available in Japan regarding birth or child care education but even if you feel clueless you have more instinct than you realise. If you stay here you'll be just fine
Reply:Your husband deserves to be around to bond with his child just as much as you will. It isn't right to make a dad be a total stranger to his own child. See if instead, a family member from Japan can come to the US for a month to stay with you to help.
use this opportunity to grow closer as a couple - talk to your OBGYN about parenting classes you and your fiance can take together. Get to the library or hit the bookstore and read up. A fantastic book to look into is "what to expect when you are expecting" for your pregnancy - and "what to expect the first year" for after the child is born.
Reply:My opinion is that you choose what you think is right.
I think that this is a win win situation because if you go
to Japan, you will be able to see your relatives!
If you stay with your husband, you will be able to have
a spouse to care for you......I think that you can go to
Japan, but maybe make the visit a few days shorter so that
you will be able to see your hubby again! ;]
Reply:I think you should stay here with your husband. It may be hard for a day or two, but you will find that motherhood is an instinct. You will be great! It is important that you and your husband share this hugely important time in your lives. It is unfair to take these precious first months away from him. The two of you will learn together. Everything will be fine and you will feel better in the end for taking care of things on your own. Be strong and congratulations!!
Reply:i think family is everything you have made up your mind to start a new one a baby needs his father and mother
Reply:dont leave your fiance and make him miss out on e birth it is his child too and it is ccompletely unfair to make him miss out
I would stay in this country wityour fiance for the birth and a fw weeks then if you want go to your family for a certain amount of time but dont deprive him
My personal opinion is that i bet he is very upset with the fact that he may miss out but is supporting you as you are pregnant
Reply:My husbands support was by far more important to me than having my family around when I had my first. Don't get me wrong I would've loved to my mum and sister and MIL there with us but without my husband I would've been totally lost. We lived 2000km away from both our families so just had each other and it worked wonderfully. When they could, our families came down to visit us. We both didn't have much experience with babies and we were only 20 yrs old when our first was born. I could always call our mothers if I had questions about baby stuff and i regularly called on our midwife too but having my husband there with me was more essential than my family.
All the help in world from our family wouldn't have been the same as having my hubby there with me.
Reply:Would the father of the child return with you to Japan? If so, go for it. If not, stay with him, since it is his baby too.
Reply:It is not recommended to fly late in pregnancy and some airlines forbid it. That would be too long of a flight in your condition.
The baby's father is the most important person you can have with you when you give birth. Only the two of you will have the "parental love switch" turned on when the baby is born. You need to bond together, the three of you, before any other members bond with the baby.
Have a close, favorite relative come stay with you as soon as you have the baby. They can be a life saver when you two are just dying for some sleep. But, don't let them take over the care of your baby. Let them help with laundry, cooking and housework while Mommie and Daddy get to know baby.
Good luck with a great delivery and healthy baby.
Reply:your husband should be there, there will never be another first for him, it's selfish for you to go off and leave him. It's his too is it not? If he was having the baby would you like it if he left you out? Fly your mom out for help and support, that way you can have your husband be a part of the birth and some family close by.
Reply:I can't imagine leaving my husband to go home with a newborn baby - that would deprive my husband of being a father during the time they are supposed to bond.
Your husband needs to be there - you need to be where he is if you want him to be a good father.
This is what they meant in the wedding vows. - to cleave only to each for as long as they both shall live.
Reply:How can you choose between your family an your fiance when now your fiance is going to be apart of your family, your already making a little family for the two of you. I don't think you should go, but that's my opinion. I mean you said your having your first baby so you don't really have much experience with the expecting part. He should def be there no matter what. Even though he might be OK with you going back, that doesn't mean deep down that he is. This is is first baby with you together an you should go threw the experience together, not far apart as possible. Being able to hear the first heart beat together, the first kick the baby has, finding out what the sex is to the moment your having the baby is all to special an he would want to be there more than anything, weather he knows it or not. If he has never had a child then he should experience this with you. I know I don't have children but when I see my friends an families becoming dads. They are so excited, they want to be there. If you have never seen your fiance cry with tears of happiness, wait till the birth. Almost all of my friends an family guys cried.
Reply:Being with your family won't necessarily be the way you imagine it when you have a baby. Your English is so good, I'm guessing you might find you are more American than you realize when you go back. When I had a baby in another country, I was sometimes in tears at the cultural collision in how to care for a new baby. My mother-in-law actually gave my baby things behind my back. I wanted modern, scientific methods, they wanted tradition. Looking back, they things they wanted to do weren't all bad (except giving my 6 week old the water left over from cooking beans to keep him sleeping through the night), but at the time, I was ferociously protective, something you have no way of predicting yourself to be because it had more to do with hormones than my actual personality.
Reply:Id have to say that I had more help from my family but that was only because my baby's father wasnt in my daughters life at that point in time. However, I suggest that you stay with your fiancee because it's not right to take this experience away from him. He deserves the right to be with you. And he sounds like a very supporting guy so Im sure you'll get plenty of support from your baby's daddy. Try looking into some mom groups around your area. That might help you out a little!! Anyway, congrats and the best of luck to you!!
Reply:Having a baby is soooo exciting and also extremely challenging. I know my partner, although a fantastic father to our 2 and 3 yr old daughters, was... a little disappointing in the first few weeks, not to mention our arguments coming off my baby blues! I really wanted to show off my first daughter to my mum (as well as partner) and can't imagine not having the support of my mum - even just emotional support and someone to talk 'baby' to. It also depends on your culture and beliefs, if this is a decision is based on something predominently out of your control then it is a difficult one.
Reply:why would you leave and go back.. this is yours and your fiance's baby....why would you leave that? you could join a new moms group in the area....
Reply:What a selfish thing to do to your fiance!
Wow!
If you want family with you, suggest they come here, being pregnant, it would not be wise to leave the OB/GYN you have been seeing so far,. Or go to another country on a LONG plane ride while pregnant.
Reply:you shouldn't go. It's too important for both parents to bond with the baby in it's first few hours of life. I think you're being selfish for wanting to go back to japan and not be with the man you claim to "love." You are having HIS child....
Reply:When you make a family you have a commitment to your family.
Your previous family, will always be your family, but you have a commitment to your fiance to have a family with him now.
If you were in a situation in America where you had to make an important life decision, would you exclude him and just phone your mother instead?
You have commited yourself to your fiance, not to your mother or your other family.
They are always going to be there.
Do not let your baby be born and not be allowed to bond with her father directly after her birth.
That in my opinion would be wrong.
Reply:Hi, congratulations on being pregnant with your first child. It is such a great experience. My husband and I have two girls, the birth of both of them were such amazing times. I think you would regret not having him there if you went home.
We found that going through the experience of child birth together was such a bonding time, not only with the baby but with us as well. When you witness the miracle of your baby coming into this world it strengthens the family unit you have decided to create.
Is there a chance that some of your family can travel to you so they are around when you bring your baby home? My family was great to have around, my mum cooked some meals so I could rest.
Also don't worry about not being experienced with babies. You will be surprised at how naturally great you become with your own baby. Just believe in your own mothering instincts and you and your fiance will be wonderful.
Hope it all goes well!
Reply:I have no clue how there could ever be a competition between the two options.
I don't have any children, but I would personally prefer to be with my husband rather than my family.
Afterall, without him, there would be no baby.
Reply:You really shouldn't take that experiece away from his dad. Stay at home. Even if he says he is ok with it I doubt he auctually is.
Reply:Though it would be nice to be in a familiar setting surrounded by your family back home, you did make a choice to marry this man and come live with him in his country, therefore you should be with him.
Reply:you should have the baby here. in USA. so the baby wont have to be illegal.
then after the baby is born, go visit your family :]
Reply:I feel that the correct thing to do is stay with the
father of the child. He is your new family and you
two are starting a new life together. I suggest
you two consider flying your mother or a family
member like a sister, brother or aunt who will be able
to help and support you. It seems that the hospital would
have local support groups classes for new parents that
you both could take. My mom said she knew my father
was going to be a great dad as he would ask her
how she felt and would try to help if she did not feel good.
She said she saw a different side to him and he would
tell her to rest as he changed diapers and helped
with household chores.Now there is th e FMLA(family
medical leave act) so your fiance can take time
off to help you if needed or maybe he can take some
vacation time or something to help you both become
adjusted to the new routines.
I do not think it is selfish what you are asking, it would
be scary to go thru this alone however you seem to
have a man who truly cares about you. If for any reason
you feel he is not ready for the baby then you should consider
going to your family.
Best Wishes %26amp; Congratulations on your baby!!!
tooth decay
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